just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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