ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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