I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
