You made me cry and you don't even care
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
