She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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