sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
