I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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