I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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