Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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