Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
