is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
