We named our party play list daddy issues
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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