before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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