the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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