i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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