ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
