Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
