you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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