in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
