Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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