HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
