Cold hands, warm shart.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
