sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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