i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
