Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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