i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
