The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My cat gives me a boner
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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