NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
