I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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