Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
