drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
