I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
