I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
