I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
