I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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