There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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