i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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