some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
