Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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