How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
