I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize