guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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