i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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