how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Im part way to drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
