I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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