you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
