she looked like the before picture.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
