So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize