So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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