I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
