He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
