You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
