she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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