I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
