he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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