I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
