You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
