She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
