I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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