My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am available for nakedness
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
