I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
