tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
