as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
