Can Purell be used as lube?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
