I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
