i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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