You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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