I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
