That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
