is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
