Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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