I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
