i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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