I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
