Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
