Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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