Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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