the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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