After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
