theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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