I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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