He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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