Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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