I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
