i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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