im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
