pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i out mim tonsoeep
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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