I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
