Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
