My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
