After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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