never play flip cup with pint glasses
tell your sister to shave her snatch
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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