Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
