we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
